Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
