whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
