i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
