suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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