before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think your dad took our porno
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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