butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she woke up with a sticky ear
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
