So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
