Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
