Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
