If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
