home. puking in laundry basket.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
