He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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