Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
