It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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