Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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