I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
