Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
