Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
