so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
