There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
