if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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