3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
