He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
