Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
