Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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