I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
