I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
