Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
