Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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