she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
