i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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