i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
