Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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