Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
