you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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