i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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