Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
