at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
