Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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