my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
