like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
