everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
