i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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