Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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