Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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