you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
