i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
