My room smells like vodka and shame
another moral hangover. fuck.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
