Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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