we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
