i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
