no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am available for nakedness
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
